Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Waking up happy...
Waking up happy...now that's the way to start your day! Not happy because "someone" made you that way but because you're happy with yourself and glad to be alive. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to wake up at all in the morning. No, my life is not perfect and there are daily frustrations and aggravations, but isn't it great to know that you have this day to live exactly the way you want to? I get to wake up to the joyful sounds of Hannah calling my name and Alyssa singing and talking a mile a minute. Do yourself a favor and start each day with a smile...you never know the impact this may have on someone that you encounter during your day-to-day routines. Be thankful for each moment for we are not promised the next. :)
Monday, July 27, 2009
Crazy Tragic...Awful Beautiful Life
Well Hello my blog readers!!! Boy have I been through some crazy stuff lately...as you all know. I've been wanting to try my hand at this blog thing for a while but have just never taken the time to really get into it. Seeing as how my BUDDIES are starting to use blogs as a means of communication I thought I would too. :) Despite the recent events in my life, I am SOOOOO very thankful for the people and things in my life...I am realizing more and more everyday that I have amazing blessings everywhere I turn. So...this blog is meant to update everyone on where I'm at emotionally and where I intend to go in the next stages in my life.
Obviously, I've been out of the "dating" world for a really long time. Blake and I have been together since I was 15 and LOTS of things have changed since that time...especially me. I feel like I have learned so much about myself in the last 3 months and it almost makes me a little appreciative that things between Blake and I happened the way they did. If things had not "come to a head" so to speak when they did, he and I quite possibly would have been in a loveless marriage for years and years to come. Now, I should mention that I did not always think that my marriage was loveless. I still "love" Blake in a way that will always be dear to me since he is my "first love", "father of my children", "first intimate partner" You understand what I mean. I think that I had convinced myself that what Blake and I had was what real love was like...that this was the way marriage was supposed to be. But let me tell you....looking back I can definitely say that we did not have those things. We did and do love each other but we were not IN LOVE with each other and had not been for a while.
Most people that know me know that I am extremely independent and that I am okay with doing things on my own BUT I do want to be in love again....not next week or even next month but I do want to be in love again. This time I want the kind of love that makes you excited to come home everyday. That kind of love that makes you tingle when the other person is in the room, the kind of love that I deserve...TRULY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! But I am scared to death all at the same time. Not only do I have to search for someone who will be everything that I need but I also have to make sure that they will be the right kind of influence for my beautiful children. This is a very dear subject to me...the thoughts of bringing another man into the lives of my girls is nerve-racking!!! This is not a decision that can be made hastily....BUT I must say that I am not as fearful about that as I could be. You know that Robert is not my real "daddy" but he has helped to shape the person that I am today. I have no idea what I would do without him so I know the importance of a good fatherly figure at home as well as in your REAL father.
Enough about the love thing...HA! I am LOVING my new house. Things are beginning to fall into place and I'm really starting to feel at home. I am very fortunate to have a good job with good job security and I am very thankful for that. The girls are really loving the new house and I think that it is a place where they can grow up and truly thrive. Alyssa really enjoyed her first dance camp a couple of weeks ago and is really looking forward to starting regular dance lessons...I think that she is going to be a natural (right Mandie?). Hannah is growing and changing every day right before my eyes. I do NOT remember Alyssa growing so fast but I guess she did. Well, I have rambled on long enough and I hope that I haven't completely bored you to death...
I also would like to say that I am always open for advice if any of you have any to offer. Because I have been out of the dating world for a really long time, I'm actually like a fish out of water. I love and appreciate each person who is a part of my life and I am VERY thankful for each of you...check back here soon...I plan to keep this thing going :)
Obviously, I've been out of the "dating" world for a really long time. Blake and I have been together since I was 15 and LOTS of things have changed since that time...especially me. I feel like I have learned so much about myself in the last 3 months and it almost makes me a little appreciative that things between Blake and I happened the way they did. If things had not "come to a head" so to speak when they did, he and I quite possibly would have been in a loveless marriage for years and years to come. Now, I should mention that I did not always think that my marriage was loveless. I still "love" Blake in a way that will always be dear to me since he is my "first love", "father of my children", "first intimate partner" You understand what I mean. I think that I had convinced myself that what Blake and I had was what real love was like...that this was the way marriage was supposed to be. But let me tell you....looking back I can definitely say that we did not have those things. We did and do love each other but we were not IN LOVE with each other and had not been for a while.
Most people that know me know that I am extremely independent and that I am okay with doing things on my own BUT I do want to be in love again....not next week or even next month but I do want to be in love again. This time I want the kind of love that makes you excited to come home everyday. That kind of love that makes you tingle when the other person is in the room, the kind of love that I deserve...TRULY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! But I am scared to death all at the same time. Not only do I have to search for someone who will be everything that I need but I also have to make sure that they will be the right kind of influence for my beautiful children. This is a very dear subject to me...the thoughts of bringing another man into the lives of my girls is nerve-racking!!! This is not a decision that can be made hastily....BUT I must say that I am not as fearful about that as I could be. You know that Robert is not my real "daddy" but he has helped to shape the person that I am today. I have no idea what I would do without him so I know the importance of a good fatherly figure at home as well as in your REAL father.
Enough about the love thing...HA! I am LOVING my new house. Things are beginning to fall into place and I'm really starting to feel at home. I am very fortunate to have a good job with good job security and I am very thankful for that. The girls are really loving the new house and I think that it is a place where they can grow up and truly thrive. Alyssa really enjoyed her first dance camp a couple of weeks ago and is really looking forward to starting regular dance lessons...I think that she is going to be a natural (right Mandie?). Hannah is growing and changing every day right before my eyes. I do NOT remember Alyssa growing so fast but I guess she did. Well, I have rambled on long enough and I hope that I haven't completely bored you to death...
I also would like to say that I am always open for advice if any of you have any to offer. Because I have been out of the dating world for a really long time, I'm actually like a fish out of water. I love and appreciate each person who is a part of my life and I am VERY thankful for each of you...check back here soon...I plan to keep this thing going :)
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